Tips for Raising Daughters
I have always loved swimming and have passed on this joy
to my children.
We went to our local swimming pool a few times a week when
my children were small. I was the mom in the racing suit
who was swimming laps, jumping off the diving board, or
playing in the middle of my children. My children loved
to pick me up and carry me in the water when they were small.
It is something they could never do outside of water, and
it made them giggle every time. (Cont. Below...)
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My daughter and I also went just the two of us many times.
She liked to swim laps with me. She also wore a racing suit.
Of course, she looked much better in hers. I remember one
time after we swam laps we went to sit in the hot tub. I
believe she was 14 at the time. Two other girls were sitting
on the edge of the hot tub—but not in the water with
us. They did not want to get their hair wet. Their hair
was perfect, and they had a lot of makeup on. My daughter
was ignoring me a little bit, so I assumed that these two
girls went to her school and she knew them. I waited to
talk with her until they walked away. I was right. After
they left she started talking to me again.
Later, when we were home, she felt so bad that she had
ignored me and had been so concerned about what they thought
that she came to me and apologized. This led to one of our
great discussions. She said she was glad that I wasn’t
like other moms who brought their kids to the pool but didn’t
play with them. They sat in their chairs with their perfect
hair and makeup, reading their novels but ignoring their
children. I, in turn, told her I was proud of her because
she was herself when she went swimming. She wore her racing
suit, swam her laps, played with her family, and dove off
the board without concern about who was there, how she looked,
and what others thought of her. She preferred to enjoy the
experience and have fun with her family instead of submitting
to peer pressure and pretending to be someone she is not.
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This experience and conversation helped affirm her ability
to be herself in other areas of her life. She started to
recognize other times when she did not submit to peer pressure
but just enjoyed the moment and was herself.
She has continued to live her life in this way. Throughout
high school she was herself. She did her hair the way she
liked, wore very little makeup, and dressed in the clothes
she wanted to. There was one morning just recently that
I drove her to school, and she had an “I Love (with
a heart) Mom” T-shirt on. I laughed and said I couldn’t
believe she was courageous enough to wear that to school,
explaining that I didn’t want her to feel pressure
from me to do so. But she just smiled and walked to class.
Teaching happens in the moment! Nurture her nature!
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Connie Fielding is a mother to her daughter, Alesha, who
is 18 years old, and to three sons. She is also founder/CEO
of Legacy Clubs for Mothers and Daughters. Visit www.legacyclubs.org
to learn more about Legacy Clubs and how you can start a
mother and daughter club in your area.
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