A FLIM FLAM MADAM AND GRAND SPAM, AD NAUSEAM
by
James Snyder
Those who know me will gladly testify that I'm a pretty
straight-laced, right down the barrel individual. I don't
put up with any nonsense nor do I put on airs. What you
see is what you get. I'm not a prude, however, and I don't
mind a little "hanky," but "panky" is
completely out of the question in my book.
Normally, I'm calm, cool and collected (except for some
stray socks under my bed). However, this past week I'm afraid
I rather lost it. There comes a time when a person has to
put his foot down- and down came my foot with a somewhat
loud thud.
It all started quite early in the week. We order our office
supplies over the Internet, saving the time and trouble
of driving across town. I've gotten quite competent in ordering
over the Internet, if I say so myself.
My only problem is, try as I might, I don't always remember
those silly codes and passwords. I write them down and put
the list where I can find it only to forget where I put
it.
I probably hold the world's record for the most passwords
lost. This past week was no exception.
Before processing my office supply order, I needed to put
in my password. Trouble was, I couldn't remember it.
Nothing is more frustrating in this world than trying to
process an Internet order without the proper password. I
finally gave up and decided to call the company and get
my password.
So far, so good. Then I did something right for a change.
I asked my wife to dial the number and then hand me the
receiver.
Have you ever done something you later discovered to be
the best thing in the world for you to do? Now you know
how I felt. Had my wife not dialed the number I would have
been in a tight squeeze, if you know what I mean.
My wife, who is my secretary, dutifully dialed the number
and graciously handed me the telephone. When I put the receiver
to my ear, I heard a sultry voice invite me to do things
I had never considered before in my life.
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What she said sent shockwaves down to the soles of my feet
and back to the top of my head only to repeat itself several
times. I had heard of such things but I never heard it personally.
I immediately looked at my wife and demanded, "What
number did you dial?"
"I dialed the number you gave me," she said rather
flippantly.
"Okay," I quipped, "listen to this."
I handed the telephone back to her and watched her eyes
get big and her mouth drop open. She quickly gave it back
to me, but I didn't want it either.
Inadvertently, she had dialed some phone sex number. We
both went to the restroom to wash out our ears.
We're thinking of throwing out the whole telephone set.
Every time we see it, we think of that terrible incident.
I barely recovered when something worse, if you can imagine,
happened. I innocently opened an e-mail and was taken immediately
to a porno site. I gasped and quickly used my mouse to click
it off.
Before I could do that, two more porno sites jumped right
onto my screen. I quickly tried to close them and when I
did several more sites popped up on my screen.
The more sites I closed the more popped up on my computer
screen. I was pooped from all the popping.
By this time, my computer was jammed with porno sites.
Out of desperation (not to mention sheer embarrassment),
I turned my computer off. I had been spammed by porno sites.
If my computer wouldn't have cost so much to replace, I
would have thrown it away. I am practical, after all.
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According to some, nothing can be done about this spam problem.
Sure, I can put filters on my computer, which will prohibit
me getting some things I really want. But, why should I
have to do that?
Why are they allowed to spam me? What if I were a minor?
Not that I've been so mistaken lately.
What it boils down to is this. The pornographer's right
of free speech takes precedent over my personal idea of
decency. I do not think the right of free speech includes
forcing me to hear or see what somebody thinks is entertainment.
Nobody can fix this "spamming" problem, so they
say. However, I think I have found a way to deal with it.
Somebody needs to develop some special program just for the
Internet. This program would spam Bible verses. It would
work just like those porno spam programs; only instead of
pornography, it would be Bible verses.
One Bible verse would appear and before the person could
close it down, three more would pop up on their computer
screen. By the time they tried to close all the windows
the computer screen would be full of Bible verses.
So far, I like it. After two people have been thus spammed,
someone would come up with a way to stop all that infernal
spam that chokes computers like mine.
The first Bible verse I would recommend for this is "There
is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof
are the ways of death." (Proverbs 14:12 KJV.)
What seems right to some, even most, may not be truly right.
My standard of judging right and wrong is the Bible, God's
Word.
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