TEACHER APPLICANT
After being interviewed by the school administration,
the eager teaching prospect said: "Let me see if
I've got this right. You want me to go into that room
with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment
with a love for learning, and I'm supposed to instill
a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive
behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor
their T-shirt messages and dress habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted
diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction,
and raise their self esteem. You want me to teach them
patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play,
how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and
how to apply for a job.
I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all
students pass the state exams, even those who don't come
to school regularly or complete any of their assignments.
Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with
handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent
of their mental or physical handicap. I am to communicate
regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter
and report card.
All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer,
a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting
salary that qualifies my family for food stamps! You want
me to do all of this and then you tell me...
"I CAN'T PRAY?"
