‘I’LL TEACH YOU TO KISS A GIRL IN THIS HIGH
SCHOOL’
by
James Snyder
February is the month for romance and it got me thinking of
my high school days. High school is probably the most important
time of a person’s life. So much happens in high school
and so many changes takes place in a person it can easily
be regarded as the formative years of adulthood.
Our high school principal was Mr. Warden and he lived up
to it perfectly. The first thing he did at the beginning
of the school year was to have an assembly where he spelled
out the rules for the coming year, especially for the new
students.
Among other things in his little speech, he dealt with
the subject of “The Birds and the Bees.”
It’s been a few decades since I first heard his lecture,
but I still can see him standing there and hear his crackling
voice as he made his denunciations.
His take on the “B and B” was that it was for
the birdbrain and usually a person got stung. Who knows,
perhaps he had something there. The main point in his little
speech was he absolutely forbade kissing in the high school.
The first time I heard his little speech it really didn’t
affect me because it was the furthest thing from my mind.
For us, high school began in the seventh grade. And it
was a big change from the sixth grade into the seventh grade.
In fact, the changes were monumental.
It was the first week in seventh grade (actually being
in high school was a great thrill for us) when I encountered
my first D-day. None of this could ever happen in grade
school.
I call it D-day because her name was Darlene. I was walking
down the hall between classes with my good buddy, Larry,
when I saw her. I turned to my buddy and said, “Who
in the world is that?”
He looked at me rather strangely and said, “Why that’s
Darlene from the sixth grade.”
To tell you the truth I did not recognize her. The Darlene
from the sixth grade bore little resemblance to the Darlene
of the seventh grade. At the end of the sixth grade the
only way you could tell the difference between Darlene and
the boys in the class was her pigtails.
During the summer, Darlene grew up.
When a fellow’s in the seventh grade, chances are
his muse will turn toward romance. And when a person turns
toward romance, he begins to dabble in poetry. Why? I suppose
it has something to do with “B and Bs.” To this
day, I’ve never figured it out.
Up to this point, poetry would consist of something like
this, “I think that I shall never see, anything as
beautiful as a tree.” Another piece of verse: “I
know my face ain’t no star, but I don’t mind
it, for I’m behind it. It’s the folks up front
that gets the jar.”
When, however, a young man’s fancy turns toward romance
his poetry changes. Let me give you a little example.
“I pressed a kiss to her lips/what could I do but
linger.
And as I ran my hand through her hair/a cootie bit my finger.”
Even now, that little rhyme brings a lump to my throat.
Ah, for the simplicity of young love.
High school is a place for first things. One of the first
things in high school is the first kiss. In our high school,
we had the perfect place. It seems the architect for the
building must have gone to high school himself.
Only two long winding staircases on either side could access
the library in our high school. Halfway up the staircase
was a little landing, which was the perfect place for that
first high school kiss. I’m not sure how many students
spent a lot of time in the library, but a lot of them went
to the library, if you know what I mean.
Actually, it was so dark in the stairwell all you could
do was read a person’s lips. Does that count as study?
It took me about half of the school year to connect with
Darlene. Some things take time, and other things just never
happen. Finally, I worked up the nerve to ask Darlene to
go to the library with me.
We finally entered the staircase and got to the landing.
Just as our lips met, the door opened and in walked Mr.
Warden and caught us red-faced. He took one look at me and
said Mr. Snyder. Those were the days when the high school
principal called you by your surname.
He came up to me, grabbed me by my ear and marched me to
his office. Those were the days when the high school principal
could grab you by your ear and march you to his office.
He took me right inside to his personal office and sat me
down in his chair. For a few moments, all he could do was
glare at me. I could almost see the steam coming out his
ears.
Finally, when he got his composure he shook his finger
at me and said very sternly, “I’ll teach you
to kiss a girl in this high school.”
I really didn’t know what to do, or say. No matter
that I was in deep trouble. I just looked at him very calmly
and said, “Too late, sir. I already know how.”
I thought of this incident recently when reading a verse
of Scripture in the Bible. “ Therefore to him that
knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”
(James 4:17 KJV)
Knowing something is one thing — but doing it is something
altogether different.
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