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Nobody
enjoys privacy more than Yours Truly. I confess I am not
a very happy camper when that privacy is compromised in
any fashion. Recently, I endured a tremendous trespass on
my privacy.
One day last week, I got up as usual and tottered off to
the bathroom for my accustomed bathroom routine. It was
then I got the shock of my life of which I am not over as
of yet. I am sure this experience will be with me many years
down the road. I am not sure I need counseling but maybe
a day or two at a rehab center just might do the trick.
I do confess that I am not at my best early in the morning
prior to my bathroom ritual. As far as I am concerned, the
bathroom is a sacred place of refuge before facing the world.
It is a place where I can prepare myself to meet the world
as well as making preparations for the world to meet me.
It would be a great travesty for me to plunge myself out
into the unsuspecting world before going into my bathroom
and making certain preparations. I owe the world at least
this.
Of course, with all the political nonsense the world is
imposing upon me lately, I am tempted to thrust myself out
into the world without any preparations whatsoever. That
would teach the world to mess with me. On second thought,
too many innocent bystanders would get hurt in the process.
On this day in question not only was I unprepared to meet
the world but I was unprepared to meet my bathroom. Looking
back on the situation, I do vaguely remember the Gracious
Mistress of the Parsonage mentioning something to the fact
that she made certain changes in my bathroom. Obviously,
I was preoccupied with other things to be concerned about
this wee bit of information she laid upon me at the time.
I simply assumed she was talking about waxing the floor
or changing the shower curtain. Never in my wildest dreams
did I think she would do anything as drastic as she did.
This brings me to an important point; never underestimate
the damage a wife can do to the sacred places of her husband.
When I walked into my bathroom and switched on the light,
I had the shock of my life. I looked in the mirror, as normal
and looking back at me was the most frightful thing I have
ever seen. I thought for a moment Stephen King had sabotaged
my bathroom.
The face looking back at me was old and haggard desperately
needing a shave. The bags under his eyes looked like sacks
of potatoes and what little hair he had looked like the
aftermath of a suicide bomber. I wanted to call the police
but I was too paralyzed with fear.
I must have yelled or something because my wife came running
into the bathroom and asked, "What's wrong?"
Then she did something that infuriated me even more than
I was at the time. She laughed.
I do not mind people laughing when I tell a joke or a funny
story. However, when I have just been frightened out of
my mind, I do not appreciate levity. Then she explained
to me what had happened. My wife took it upon herself to
replace the mirror in my bathroom.
For a fleeting moment, murderous thoughts stomped through
my mind. Fortunately for me they were still wearing their
bedroom slippers and not their marching boots.
I do not look forward to very much in life but I do look
forward to my mirror in my bathroom. I have had that mirror
for as long as I can remember, which may not be a very long
time when I come to think of it. I vaguely remember hearing
my wife mentioned the fact that the mirror in my bathroom
needed to be replaced. I thought she was kidding.
When I get up in the morning, I look forward to going into
my bathroom mirror. I have a little ritual that I do upon
first glance into my mirror. "Mirror, mirror on my
wall; who needs a shave the worst of all?" Then we
have a good laugh together.
I know that my mirror, my old mirror that is, was rather
old and flawed and the reflection back at me was rather
blurry. That is what made it so endearing to me. No matter
how hard you tried to clean it the reflection was still
very cloudy at best. Then, several years ago an accident
occurred producing a small crack in my mirror. I must say
it was an improvement I gladly accepted. It accommodated
my split personality: Sometimes I feel like a nut, and sometimes
I don't." One morning I could shave on the left side
of the crack and the next morning I could shave on the right
side.
The thing I loved about my old mirror was how it clouded
the truth. The new mirror, however, is very insistent upon
the truth.
A verse of Scripture came to mind as I pondered my old
mirror. "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but
then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I
know even as also I am known." (1 Corinthians 13:12
KJV).
If someone would like a mirror that insists on telling
the truth, I have one for sale.
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by James
Snyder
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