Developing
Negative Thoughts About My Photographer
Every
time I need a new portrait taken, I shutter, which is why
I put it off as long as I can. Everything was going fine
along this line, and then my new publisher requested a new
picture for an upcoming book. I insisted on an old picture;
they insisted on a new picture.
I tried pointing out to them that I had an old portrait
of a newer face, which I thought would be better than a
new picture of an older face. This is exactly what I do
not like about new portraits. The newer the portrait the
older the face. You would think with all the advances in
technology somebody could come up with a camera that truly
captures the essence of a person and not just the appearance.
Whoever said, "appearances are deceiving" must
have been looking at one of my portraits.
I want a camera that shows the inner beauty of the person
and not the outer shell that is deteriorating with time.
A lot is said about Mother Nature but it is Father Time
that has the last laugh with all of us.
The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was no help along
this line. Usually she is most helpful but in this area
she was not the "help meet" I desired.
"When," she persisted, "are you going to
get your picture taken?"
I tried ignoring her and pretended I was busy reading a
book. Have you ever tried ignoring your wife when she is
insistent upon your attention? It is like pretending that
the mosquito is not buzzing around your ear. If you ignore
it too long, it will eventually bite your ear.
Then I heard those words that brought me back to the state
of reality, where she is the governor. "You are not
ignoring me are you?"
"What," I stammered trying to look a little surprise.
"Oh no, this article I am reading is quite fascinating.
I just didn't hear what you were saying."
"What is the article you're reading?"
You know you are backed into a corner when both walls come
crashing in on you. Then I had to confess that I was in
fact ignoring her. It is a terrible confession to make for
it carries with it severe consequences.
One of the hardest things a husband has to do is admit
his wife is right. However, harder than that is admitting
this to her personally because he knows she will never forget
it. It is like a feather in a wife's war bonnet. My wife
has enough feathers for 17 war bonnets.
"I'm going to make an appointment for you," she
said matter-of-factly," and you will go." She
put what I felt was undue emphasis on the phrase "you
will go." I did not, however, bring this to her attention.
"What's said in the darkroom should stay in the darkroom,"
is what I always say... but never outside the darkroom.
The fateful day came for my appointment and my negative
feelings toward the photographer were developing.
One of the things I do not like about a photographer is
one who smiles and laughs a lot. I never know if he is just
being jovial or if what he's looking at is making him laugh.
I think taking a person's portrait is a very serious matter
and should not be polluted with a lot of laughter.
"Now," said the photographer after I had been
seated, "let's see if we can find your good side."
It's not so much that he said this but he followed it up
with a very hearty laugh. Too hearty if you ask me.
I assumed this photographer was a professional but I confess
it took him a little longer then it should have to find
my good side. Plus, he laughed too much to please me. I
really did not get the joke.
He finally found what he thought was my "good side,"
and began fiddling with the camera while his assistant was
adjusting the lighting. I settled down thinking that the
worst of this ordeal was behind me.
Finally, he seemed to have the camera adjusted to suit
him. He looked at me and then he began to frown. Although
his smiling and laughter irritated me, this irritated me
far more. The more he looked at me the more he frowned.
The more he frowned the more aggravated I became.
"Come on," he said rather sternly, "you
can smile better than that. Let me see the biggest smile
you have."
I gritted my teeth and slapped on the biggest smile I could
find within me.
"Great, hold that smile. Now tilt your head to the
right and hold it."
With that came a series of light flashes and the photographer
said, "Great, I got your picture."
Now that he had my picture, he was after my wallet. Not
only must I endure the strain of posing, I now have to pay
a King's Ransom and believe me, I am not Prince Charming.
I took comfort in a Bible verse. "But the LORD said
unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height
of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD
seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance,
but the LORD looketh on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7
KJV).
If people saw me like God sees me, they would love me as
God loves me.
by James
Snyder
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