A
Lazy Man's Best Laid Plans Usually Fall Asleep
Last
week the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage left Yours Truly
for another man. Actually, it was three little men; the
grandsons. When it comes to grandsons, grandfathers haven’t
a chance in the world. Grandmothers will drop everything,
including grandfather (which is why many grandfathers limp
a lot), and rush to the sides of the grandchildren for the
flimsiest of reasons.
At times, I have to remember that before I was a grandfather
I was a father, and before that, I was a man. Therefore,
I shouldered the whole situation like the man I am, or used
to be.
It was my responsibility and privilege to make the travel
arrangements for my wife’s visit with the grandchildren.
I’m still not sure how it all works out like this:
I get to pay; she gets to play with the grandchildren.
The original plan was for both of us to make the trip.
Since the parsonage treasury had limited funds, the travel
arrangements were limited as well. Limited, that is, to
my wife. Someone had to sacrifice, and since I lost the
arm wrestling contest, that someone was me.
I made the arrangements, paid for said arrangements, drove
my wife to the airport and saw her off. By the time I had
done all that, I was thoroughly exhausted, not to mention
broke.
Before me spread an entire week of being a freelance husband
with the major responsibility of running the household.
I must confess there were times I wish the household would
walk instead of run.
During the week, I wore out four pairs of sneakers trying
to keep up with a household that insisted on running.
I’m not sure which is more exhausting; packing up
my wife for her vacation, or running the entire household
for one week by myself. My biggest concern was that I would
run the household into the ground.
I discovered one big disadvantage with running the household
by yourself, I cannot find anybody else to blame the mess
on but me. And believe me, I have looked.
Either I am the messiest man on planet Earth (which I find
hard to believe) or I am the victim of a serial house invasion
by the clumsiest criminal in the world. I’m thinking
of filing a complaint with the messy house police.
With my wife’s help, we laid plans to run the household
while she was away as efficiently as possible. This points
out the great difference between husbands and wives when
it comes to the term “efficient.”
Wives believe that “efficient,” when applied
to household chores means no messes, no time. Everything
must be put away in its proper place every day. This includes
dirty dishes that must be washed every day and returned
to the cupboard.
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Husbands have a completely different idea about the term.
When applied to the household chores, efficiency means that
you don’t clean up the house until it reaches the
ultimate of messiness. And believe me, it takes a big mess
to really get my attention.
For example, if my wife is away for a week and is expected
to return on, say, Friday. There is no reason to expend
the energy to keep the house clean until Friday morning.
This may be the reason why many wives are so exhausted
all the time. The husband-model of housecleaning does not
demand the house be cleaned every day. Every husband is
content to allow the mess to build up throughout the week.
Sure, he could fritter his time away each day by cleaning
things up and putting them away, but what would the point
be? It is much easier to allow the mess to pile up and then
take care of it once a week.
What is the purpose of washing the dishes every day? I
am a firm believer in recycling as well as water conservation.
My motto is, “No dish should be washed before its
grime has matured.” No real man is afraid of a little
bit of grime.
This brings up the whole idea of laundry. Wives have developed
a very complicated plan of taking care of laundry. Dirty
laundry goes into the laundry basket, then gets transported
to the laundry room, then it is sorted and finally put into
the washing machine.
That, however, is not the end of the story. Then comes
the dryer and following that, folding the garments and putting
them away. Just listing all of it makes me tired.
This sounds like a lot of work to me. Too much work for
someone who is trying to conserve energy, particularly his
own energy.
I have the idea that everybody is given a certain amount
of energy and when that energy is expended, that’s
it. I’m trying to save up energy for old age. It would
be a tragedy to reach the point of “old age,”
and have used up all of my energy.
According to husbands, a garment is not a dirty until it
fails the sniff test. Why, I ask you, should a perfectly
good shirt that passes the sniff test be put in the laundry
basket when you’ve only worn it one time?
The Bible speaks a lot about plans and preparations. “The
preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the
tongue, is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are clean
in his own eyes; but the Lord weigheth the spirits.”
(Proverbs 16:1-2 KJV.)
Every plan comes under the scrutiny of the Lord.
by James
Snyder
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