Pardon My Yiddish, but...
One night recently I was sipping a sugar-free Kool-Aid
while watching TV while reading a book, which is my normal
activity. With the state of TV these days, I can read all
of William Shakespeare's sonnets in one night just during
the commercials. I think they have TV programs just to break
up the commercials. You know TV is in a bad state of affairs
when the commercials have better plots than the TV programs.
The night in question, a strange thought took shape in
my brain. I'm not sure what shape it was because nobody
gets into my brain but the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage
and I wasn't about to ask her.
After several generous swallows of Kool-Aid, the idea began
seeping into my consciousness. I must admit it was a slow
seepage, but it eventually got to its destination. Soon
the idea formed a full-fledged theory that rattled me, I
assure you. It takes a lot to rattle me these days. Well
maybe not that much. Two ideas at the same time in my brain
can put up quite a racket to be sure.
It wasn't long before this idea matured into a well-defined
hypothesis. And it's been a long time since I have hyped
my apotheosis. This idea was so newfangled I felt I needed
to put it to the test to make sure it was genuine.
Instantly, I grabbed a TV remote, took a few more refreshing
swallows of Kool-Aid and began channel surfing like my life
depended upon it.
First, I came to a preacher trying to convince me that
for some of my "seed," he would send me some miracle
water that would bless me financially. I'm thinking, of
course, if it works so well, why he doesn’t use it
for himself instead of asking me for money, excuse me “seed.”
Don't think I was not tempted to send him a packet of watermelon
seeds.
But this wasn't what I was looking for. So I surfed on.
Then I landed at some real estate guru informing me that
he had developed a secret for buying a house with no money
down. All I needed to do was send him all my money and he
would whisper the secret into my ear. If this "no-money-down"
is so terrific, why doesn't he give his secrets for no money
down?
Again, this was not what I was looking for, so I continued
the surfing mode.
Finally, I discovered what I was looking for. A 24/7 cable
news station. Here is where I needed to be to put my theory
to a vigorous test. My remote control trembled in anticipation.
I watched for some time and sure enough, my theory developed
right before my eyes. I just could not believe what I was
seeing. Why have I not noticed this before, or why hasn't
somebody else picked up on this?
I studied the TV screen to make sure what I was seeing
I was actually seeing and the whole thing became as clear
as a politician’s last promise.
Watching I discovered reports on war, rioting in streets,
calamity of all sorts and disaster of all and every description.
Right before my eyes, all of this was taking place.
I checked another cable news channel just to make sure
I was not mistaken on this matter. I would hate to misjudge
something because of lack of research on my part.
I examined several of these cable news networks and sure
enough, there it was. My premise was proving correct.
Allow me to lay it out before you and you be the judge.
Every one of these news stories had one common denominator.
No matter which cable news network I watched, the same thing
proved to be true. I just can't believe I’ve never
seen this before. One thing showed up in every story. How
could I have been duped for so long?
That one common denominator to all of the cable news networks
was the TV reporter. No matter what the story or event there
was that TV reporter.
My conclusion is simply this, TV reporters are responsible
for every war and disaster and calamity in this world. Without
these TV reporters, there is no war, disaster or calamity.
It's all beginning to make sense to me now.
But the next thing I discovered was more shocking than
this. For all of the news stories of all of the cable news
network's there is only one TV reporter. I think it has
something to do with budgets. These networks try confusing
us by making this one TV reporter look like a male in one
story, a female in another story and to further compound
the condition, sometimes they will speak in English and
sometimes in another language altogether.
If I don't get the Nobel Peace Prize for this, I will be
surprised. This subterfuge has gone on long enough. Finally,
the truth has come out.
The solution is quite simple. Get rid of this TV reporter
and I will see no more war or calamity or disaster or mayhem
and there will be peace in my valley once again. Out of
sight, I always say, and out of my mind.
Actually, the only real peace comes from God. The apostle
Paul wrote, “And the peace of God, which passeth all
understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through
Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7 KJV).
God's peace always is manifested in the midst of a storm.
by James
Snyder
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TiVo!
What more can we say?
Great TV without the commercials |
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